i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
