Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
