the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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