All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
