Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
