It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Of course I have a pirate flag
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
