I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
