He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
