if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
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I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
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Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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