Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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