i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
