Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
