The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
