I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
