He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
