there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize