OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
