Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
