??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
