just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
