Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize