Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This is the high leading the old right now
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Randomize
