You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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