you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
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