my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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