And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
