Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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