I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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