what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
