I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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