i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
