true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I had to cum in my sink.
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