He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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