and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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