Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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