I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Everclear isn't food dammit
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
