Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
