So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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