oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
