I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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