I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
