1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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