I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
