This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
