Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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