Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
