i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
