I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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