His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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