Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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