Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
