just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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