i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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