i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
