i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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