She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
