You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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