sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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