if you like me you must not know who I am
no, he came in my armpit
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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