We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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