How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
