You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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