i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
