So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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