I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
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Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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