woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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