dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
