margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
