if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
