My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
