Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
