your parents love me but you hate me
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
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