the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.