worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Randomize
