I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.