It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
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apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
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my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.