I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
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there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
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Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.