Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara