i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
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I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
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I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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