She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
