1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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