Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
