guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
