Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
